It's that time again ladies and gentlemen. Time to get our archaeology funny on and make light of our profession. Got a funny one-liner or joke about archaeology? Enter it below and share the wealth. Archaeology Dirty Jokes and One-liners Anyone who fails to see the evolutionary link between man and ape has never used the restroom at a Walmart. Archaeology is like most forms of field science. There's a small army of us at every college or military base.~JohnGallinPi Archaeologists dig your features. Archaeologists like it dirty. In a thousand years, archaeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.~Olivia Wilde If archaeology is just a science than Mount Everest is just a hill. Archaeologists will date anything!~Anouk Vermeulen Underwater Archaeologists do it deeper. And under pressure.~Kirk Pierce "Archaeologists are like rabbits, they dig holes and f**k within the group”. Archaeologists, experts in dating methods.~Dan Kearns

Post-processualists do it with empathy.~Liz Arthur Duncalf Archaeobotanists do it for the love of the seed. Are you an archaeologist? because I've got a bone in my pants that I'd like you to date.~Sarah Quraishi (Cried when I read this) What has been dug cannot be undug.~Martino Correia When Archaeologists photograph themselves doing it, they use 2m ranging rods to give you an idea of scale. ~Aidan W T Farnan You just want to go down on my transect and grab my lithics, don't you? All archaeology research is groundbreaking. Archaeologists do it in the dirt. Forensic Archaeologists do it in the dirt with dead bodies! My Marshalltown may be short, but my unit goes down 60cm!~Kenneth Terry Is that a trowel in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Nope its a bone (an articulated sheep bone obviously) How did the ancient Romans cut their hair? Answer: With a pair of Caesars. What do you call a very, very old joke? How do you embarrass an archeologist?

Answer: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Are you kidding?! Why would we let them do that?! The broken bulb is a national treasure, pointing to our rich, rich history and culture. No, we would rather build a shrine there, and charge admission to see the ‘ancient luminosity device’. Hmmm, maybe we could even sell little figurines. What do men and mummies have in common? Answer: They both like being tied up. What do women and trowels have in common? Answer: They both like it dirty. Did you hear the one about the archaeologist that was found knapping on the job? Answer: Apparently he was stoned. Why do archaeologists like dead people? Answer: They get enough of those stiffs!Alice in Kalimantan, an interactive travel and language journal. In Episode 6: The Last Gas Station, Alice is 19 and juggling a job, art school, and a boyfriend.

Alice is an aspiring game designer and animator, an only child, who grew up traveling the world with her parents and sharing her adventures and games online. In Inanimate Alice Episodes 1-5, adventures narrated by Alice and created by Kate Pullinger, Chris Joseph, and Andy Campbell, she spans 8 to 16 years old. I created educational materials to accompany the episodes and adopted the voice of Alice on Everloop, a social media site for tweens, creating digital journals, activities, games, and posts.Camper Rentals Old Orchard Beach Maine After graduating high school (barely), with high marks in Art & Tech but not much else, Alice travels to Japan and Indonesia on her Gap Year, thanks for support from her Aunt Xui Li in Singapore. Jatoba Hardwood Flooring PricesI conceived and created five interactive travel journals, with 22 embedded language games, told in the voice of Alice and commissioned by Education Services Australia. Presa Canario Puppies For Sale Md

Coding and art design by Andy Campbell. In Episode 6: The Last Gas Station, Alice is 19, in art school, and makes the leap to a richly illustrated, free-roam, 3D narrative. I wrote the design document and joined the creative team as narrative designer and writer. Players chase down the elusive Ladrone, a looter of ancient artifacts, while learning about ancient Mayan culture. I developed character profiles with back stories, designed the narrative arc, and wrote cut scenes (graphic novel style) for this educational video game. Available at Barnes & Noble Throughout his life, Chief Joseph of the Wallowa band of Nez Perce struggled to keep his people's land in northeastern Oregon and to solve conflicts with white settlers. His skillful efforts failed when the government allowed the white murderers of his friend to go free and soldiers ordered the entire Nez Perce population to move to a tiny reservation. A handful of vengeful warriors murdered 18 settlers, sparking the War of 1877.

To avoid bloodshed and certain defeat against a powerful force, more than 700 Nez Perce men, women, and children�many of them elderly and wounded�traveled 1,500 miles across several states, pursued by five units of U.S. soldiers. Chief Joseph is best known for the famous vow, "From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever." Read his tragic story in my children's biography Chief Joseph: The Voice for Peace. Forensic anthropologist Diane France is a scientist who's leading a life of crime. That is, she's a bone detective who solves murder mysteries (and other mysteries) by finding and identifying human skeletons. In her Colorado lab and traveling around the world, she has also "met" the bones of famous people in history, from Russian royalty to American outlaws and Civil War soldiers. Click on the title for more details. Adriana Ocampo is a planetary geologist who has worked for NASA, the U.S. space agency, since she was a teenager. Her story begins in South America, where she grew up, but a passion for rocks and craters has led her all around the world.

She explores Earth's past on foot, by leading field expeditions to seek out rocks that were blasted, melted, vaporized, and otherwise tortured by the explosive crash of an asteroid or comet. Meanwhile, she investigates the fascinating features of Mars, Jupiter, and other planets through the electronic eyes of NASA's robotic spacecraft. ESL/Language publishers: I have dozens of well-tested games and prototypes. I've been teaching English to immigrants for more than a decade and developed Letter Perfect English as a simple but flexible teaching tool. My learners have played 100 games and activities with this unique picture card deck, for beginners to advanced students, suited for use with teens and adults. The games develop vocabulary, speaking, listening, grammar, storytelling, and writing skills. Crime Scene Investigation (ages 9 to 14, Lexile level 690, Accelerated Reader Quiz #112861) is the true story of the science, technology, and thinking skills behind collecting evidence at a crime scene.

The book features interviews with crime scene investigators and real crime cases, including an art theft report that young sleuths can read for clues to "who dunnit." Autopsies/The Body as Evidence (ages 9 to 14, Lexile level 690, Accelerated Reader Quiz #112860) explores how medical examiners treat corpses like a crime scene--searching every bit, inside and out, for evidence of how and when the person died. The last chapter features excerpts from an actual autopsy report and challenges readers to apply what they've learned to uncover a "smoking gun" clue to a murder. Young CSI fans will be engrossed by this title in the Crime Scene Science series. The well-balanced mix of case studies, scientific explanations, and descriptions of fieldwork offers a dynamic, behind-the-scenes look at crime-scene investigations. she focuses on facts: "a rotting corpse releases about 400 chemicals into the air." Even so, the graphic details and color photos may disturb some young people. A resource section of books and Web sites encourages further exploration.

Short features about wind power, making water from fog, city heat islands, and other topics motivate young children to explore weather with related hands-on activities. Accelerated Reader Quiz #43209. My top selling game book includes complete, highly motivating games for kids who like�and don't like�math. I also write 101 Brain�Boosting Math Puzzlers and Ready, Set, Roll! Four Minnesota boys went sledding at a quarry one snowy day . . . These true tales of natural disasters, including the adventures of scientists who study them and the personal experiences of survivors, will engage young readers (ages 6 to 9, Lexile levels 530-670, Accelerated Reader levels 3.8-4.1 with quizzes available). Where and when do natural disasters strike? Why and how do these dangerous events happen? How can you stay safe? Some titles are currently available in used editions only. Noun Hounds and Other Grammar Games Turn a dull subject into learning games that kids actually ask to play.

This was my bestselling language arts book. It is currently available only in used editions. These classroom-tested games motivate kids to expand their vocabulary the smart way�with word roots, patterns, and a meaningful context. First Dictionary Activity Book Children's Dictionary Activity Book Two activity books, one for primary grades (1�3) and one for upper elementary (4�6), teach users of the Scholastic Children's Dictionaries basic reference skills.Teach Shakespeare (available in used editions only) PUBLISHERS: Contact me if you're interested in middle school activities, simulations, and hands-on projects for almost any Shakespeare play. This creative material would make a dynamite kid's book! Great American History Games A classroom-tested collection of motivating games cover important history topics. Grades 5 to 8. 15 Primary Source Activities: American History Plays, readings, reenactments, simulations, and other activities based on primary source text and photos.